guardians_song (guardians_song) wrote,
guardians_song
guardians_song

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My Sporkers! Let me show you them!

Roy is a friendly quarter-dragon young man who just LOVES his slash. And innuendo. Can't forget the innuendo. He has neck-length red hair, blue eyes, and seeks handsome men to date/ogle - HEY! This isn't a personals ad! Anyway, due to Angels and Devils, he hates excessive adverbs.

Elbe is Roy's younger sister, and is relatively innocent. Her pet peeves are missing commas, grammar problems in general, and canon-rape. She's Richard's girlfriend.

Richard hates Sues. Richard That's him in that icon, except he's older in his sporker version. He's a snarky dark mage. He's the Dark Magic tutor of Roy and Elbe, and HYSAGBXUXVBAGQG HATES SUES - he was the much-mistreated sidekick to Roy and Elbe back in their Stu/Sue days. It left him quite traumatized. :P

AU!Tom/TMR AR is Tom Marvolo Riddle from an AU where he's good and the Boy-Who-Lived, and Harold Potter is the Dark Lord. He's cunning, intelligent, and hates Gryffindors with a passion. He has a tendency to refer to all Pod!TMRs as "Daisuke Hikari", due to the first badfic he sporked, called the elemental angels. Don't ask.

Canon!Harry is... well, the name says it all. Unfortunately, he ran off into the hills in the middle of a sporking of a Harry/Voldemort MPreg called Drunken Lullabies. He hasn't been seen since. The muse is gone... D;

Anita Blake is Our Lady of The Ardeur/Arduer. For those not in the know, go to 
lkh_lashouts. As a quick summary, she screws any man she can get her hands on, and is constantly being OVERWHEEEEEELMED BY THE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRDEEURRRRR, aka Her Own Monstrous Libido. She transforms into Merry Gentry in a shower of sparkly sex magic by putting a red wig on. THE DOOMCROTCH IS ETERNAL. DO NOT RESIST... unless you have a vagina, in which case she'll run away at top speed.

Nergal the Sane is a Dark Mage, and married to Ninis. *points to icon for this entry* He's the man on the right. He loves his wife and children very much, and is a nice person. He has combed-back green hair and a goatee, and blue eyes... I think. They're beady, so it's hard to tell. Due to his canon-appearance self (Nergal the Insane) being a villain, he's not traditionally good-looking - hooked nose, older face, large brows but no eyebrows. However, his sane self is good with children, and enjoys learning.
My fanon name for him is Niles, and his "Nergal" name is basically a self-bestowed title due to his ego, showing that he's "conquered death", as he's stopped his aging through magic. :P In reality, Nergal was a (Sumerian?) god of death, so I made "Nergal" the name of his village's god of death when he was a child. Hey, we know very little about him before he met Athos (aside from the identity of his family), so I can fanon away. :D

Ninis is Nergal's wife, and an Ice Dragon (the dragon on the left in the icon for this entry). Don't get grossed out, she can take human form. :D She's a good, kind person, but is fanatical about "the natural order of things". Don't worry, she likes slash (:D), but she hates things that defile nature, such as Dark Magic... so, while he's married to her, Nergal gave up studying Dark Magic, and learned Anima and Light magic. :) Hey, he canonically knows it, if you look at his stats. FANON IS GOOD! :D Even if, due to the dearth of people who have unlocked Chapter 19xx, I made UP most of my fanon for this couple... :P Dragon magic is sort of a mix between Anima and Light magic, as they worship nature. (More fanon. They didn't go into much detail in canon. *sigh*)

Nergal the Insane is Nergal, after he lost his wife during the Scouring (basically a human-perpetrated genocide of dragons) and his children fled to another world, and he got corrupted by Dark Magic. He's an arrogant, psychotic maniac, and kills people to take their "quintessence", aka lifeforce. :P *snerk* As a sporker, he's... slash-oriented... hey, if Anita's DoomCrotch (and the DoomCrotches of many Sues) can turn gay men straight, it stands to reason that SOMETHING can turn straight men gay, right? XD Even if that "something" is Dark Magic. This viewpoint is what comes from reading the Athos-Nergal argument in the final chapter of FE7 way too many times, until Nergal seems just a tad too shrill in angsting that Athos was his "truest friend" and the "only man who ever understood" before Athos betrayed him. XD Then again, I felt like DH was practically screaming "SHIP GRINDELWALD/DUMBLEDORE NOW!!!", and I don't normally see slash as canon (and did not see Sirius/Remus), so maybe I have some sort of obsession... XD Naaaaah. The writers must see the subtext, too! *snerk*

Rose Potter is... You-Know-Her. Druidess? Naked? Synomous with "deep in the closet"? Cedric-screwing? Voldemort-like? She makes brief appearances to comment on the fic. ACK! GET HER OFF ME!

Thorn is a pyromaniac young woman with shoulder-length brown hair and purple eyes. (Yes, purple. She started out as a fanfiction character, and her canon-character mother seemed to have purple eyes... if I squinted... it wasn't to make her special at all!) She enjoys martial arts, setting things on fire, killing Stus and Sues, and setting things on fire. She's semi-psychopathic, much like her brother Michael, who has not sporked yet. She's also as in denial as Rose Potter.

Claire is Thorn's "best friend", who also enjoys martial arts and  is a nice person with brown hair and eyes. She is attempting to drag Thorn out of the closet, without much success. She sympathizes with RosePotter!Ginny.

So, those are the sporkers... Yay! :D


Now updated!

The Lady of the Hollow is a dead young woman who is insane, enjoys Grindeldore, and is generally a mindless slash fangirl. Her magic has a tendency to explode when she gets angry. Yes, she is the person you're thinking of.... plus a century of being dead. :P

Drake is a mysterious young man who is best friends with his Charmander/Charmeleon/Charizard, Jahn. No one knows much about him, although some look at the Z-shaped markings below his eyes and wonder who they're reminded of... He spent much of his childhood in the wilderness, surviving together with Jahn, so he knows a lot about Pokemon. He's usually rather quiet.

Mary Susan Oak is the daughter of Gary Stewart Oak, well-known Pokemon Professor. She has studied Pokemon a good deal (considering her father, not surprising), and has trained up a good team. However, she keeps running into this "Drake" boy... As a sporker, she's arrogant and dislikes the abuse of the name "Mary". XD She also hates to be called by her two first names. Gee, I wonder why... XD

Jerry is the daughter of two rather familiar figures from Pokemon, who have now settled down and reformed. As a hint, her mother is now one of the few nurses that doesn't have the last name "Joy", and her father is currently in the police... because it gives him an excuse to cross-dress and bond with his Growlithe. XD All right, that was a tad south of canon... Anyway, she was recruited for Team Rocket by a boy her age who told her it was a "self-funding vigilante organization". >:O Darn straight it is! They don't want anyone else muscling in on their turf! XD

Tom is the son of Butch and Cassidy, and as such, a born Rocket member. He's unscrupulous, nasty, and speaks with a "tough" accent. He recruited Jerry.

Tags: my sporkers
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