Back at the cottage I was bathing while Link prepared the evening meal.
...Yes? What was happening at the cottage that you were bathing while Link prepared the evening meal?
(See, this is why commas are important...)
Wait, he's preparing the meal? Huh, I can't decide whether this is a reversal of the entire "Oh, I am a True Woman only due to my man, and my only ambition is to drool over him for all eternity!" theme running through the fic, in that Link's doing the cooking, or just the Sue turning Link into her love-slave.
After a bit COMMA! Link came upstairs to check on me. "I came to see if you need any help bathing." He asked.
But that's not a question.
And good grief, I HOPE a grown woman can BATHE HERSELF. Good grief.
As I looked into his eyes, I took my hand and slowly ran it from the top of my shoulder and down over my breasts.
I wonder if she meant to say "his" hand (which would explain why she didn't say "I slowly ran my hand [...]"), or if she did mean to say she was fondling herself.
"I could use my back washed." I said seductively.
(Sue) And while you're at it, rub my feet and make me a sandwich, male!
(Link) Yes, mistress.
Taking the hint, Link took the washrag and begun to wash my back. After a minute
Not a "minuet"! *nearly has a heart attack from shock*
he put the rag down in the water and begun to passionately kiss my neck. Moaning softly I
A relative of Screaming Horribly I, this sporker hopes? *sharpens spork and approaches Sue from behind*
turned my head to face him and gently pressed my lips on his kissing him deeply,
(Sue) Liiiiiiink, honey... Why do you have a book called Kissing Him Deeply?
(Link) Er... Put it this way, there's a reason why I've never hooked up with Zelda in all these games, and it's not because I was waiting for you...
our tongues meeting. His tongue yelped and retreated, attempting to scramble down his throat. Mine advanced, wiggling like Morpha. As we kissed I could feel his hands moving down my naked body before he ripped out my heart..
Gently he lifted me out of the tub and led me to the bed while we kissed. Softly he
(Gently He and Softly He) Who cares if we're relatives? Our love is pure! *cuddle and wibble*
laid me down and climbed on top of me. I could feel his body quivering
(Link) Fighting Ganondorf, a giant amoeba, a dragon, desert witches, a creepy drum-pounding spirit, an electric parasite, a giant spider, and a giant lizard creature, not to mention countless lesser monster... All those things pale before "making love" to a Sue. *trembles*
as he moved from my lips His entire BODY moved from your lips?! Were you trying to EAT him? and down on my body.
He moved from the down on your body as well? Are you a baby bird? Perchance, did you meant "and WENT down my body"?
Then he spread my legs and went down.
Okay, this is an excellent example of "Be careful what you wish for". X(
I felt his lips on my thigh, No comma needed... for once. ): as he slowly kissed inward. Then when he reached the center,
What, of your thigh? Does he have acidic spit or something of the like, so he's now smooching your femur? Come on, if you couldn't have said "upward" rather than "inward", you could have said "reached the joining of my legs" or some other silly, euphemistic thing. As is, I have some rather disturbing images now.
he pressed his mouth onto my flower. Unfortunately for him, it was this flower.
I felt as he slowly inserted his tongue between the lips causing me to cry out in pure bliss. He stayed clear of the lips causing me to let out disturbing bubbling and groaning noises. Then he moved up until his tongue brushed against my clit.
Personal taste moment - Why not write it out? "Clitoris", there, it isn't such a difficult word. "Clit" sounds about as romantic as, say, "dick" or "pussy". Seeing as how the author's talking about "my flower", "the swollen organ between his legs", and later "my lower organs" (bahahaha), the tone doesn't match at all.
Working his teeth and tongue on my clit,
(Sue) YOU JUST CHEWED IT OFF, YOU BASTARD!
shocks of pure ecstasy were sent cursing
(Shocks of Pure Ecstasy) What the ****ing h*llsh*t have we ****ing done to deserve this g**d**ned piece of basilisk ****? Answer us, m*****f***er! **** YOU!
threw me causing my legs to shudder.
Yes, I imagine your legs would be shuddering if someone "threw" you someplace and wasn't too gentle.
Never had I felt such feelings, never had I experienced such pleasure.
I'll give even odds that she says that in later sex scenes, too. A bit like how Harry goes on about 'hatred such as he had never known before'.
As he teased my clit, I felt his tongue move down until it was at my entrance.
Wait, WHAT? If his tongue isn't doing that, then what IS he "teasing [her] clit[oris]" with? His NOSE?
Slowly he inserted his tongue and my back arced
I think you meant "arcHed".
as I cried out in pure bliss. Then slowly Link upped his movements,
"Movements"? Uh, are you confusing this with a regular vaginal sex scene, author?
sending momentary shocks threw my lower organs
Man, that's horrible indigestion.
as my legs convulsed. As his tongue moved deeper inside me I grabbed the back of his head as I begun to climax. Then when he hit the right spot
(Sue) Ah... that hit the spot. *pats belly and burps*
Alas, poor Link. He was a good husband... but an even better meal.
I arced my back
and screamed in ecstasy as I gushed into his mouth.
!!! O_O !!! !!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you just EJACULATED into his mouth! Either that, or you peed. D:
Yes, I know there is such a thing as female ejaculation, but... er... I fail to see how it's sexy. Especially when it just sounds like a pregnant woman's water breaking.
Painting from the intense experience COMMA! I got up and looked into his eyes, and knew what he wanted. Slowly I
(Slowly I) Threesome?
(Gently He and Softly He) NOOOOO!
removed his clothes and opened myself to him.
You WEREN'T opened to him? What do you call the previous scene, then?
I let him take control. Allowed him to fulfill himself.
(Link) Actually, I'm quite fulfilled with my employer-provided GameBoy Advance and Pokemon cartridges...
(Sue) GET BACK IN HERE, WENCH.
Long Into the night there was nothing but hot passion.
And then it got cold. ):
The last few days were either spent down at the beach or taking peaceful walks together.
No, you all perished in the fire that occurred because Link left dinner on the stove while you two were going at it. Okay, Link survived because he's Awesome and probably has 20 Heart Containers besides, but YOU perished, definitely.
...Leave me to my fantasies.
I knew we only had a small amount of time left here but I spent every minuet
enjoying it. And on the day we were returning to Hyrule I couldn't wait to get back.
Huh ? Do you have ADHD, or do you mean to add "I ALREADY couldn't wait to get back HOME"?
Upon our arrival at the castle the king and Princess Zelda were at the gates to greet us home.
Or is Hyrule Castle home?
*EXPLODES* You honestly want to claim the KING and the PRINCESS were waiting AT THE GATES to greet you? Oh, yes, SCREW affairs of state! Royalty can wait around ALL DAY for you lot! *HEADLAPTOP*